


Buried Underneath

by Coffeegf



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Can be a little nsfw, Car Accidents, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, M/M, Updates are slow I'm so sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-10-28 06:51:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10826028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coffeegf/pseuds/Coffeegf
Summary: The RFA gets word that Zen has been in a motorcycle crash. The shocking event stirs up emotions in Jumin that he has never experienced before; unbearable anxiety, helplessness... love?Some Jumin x Zen for ya~





	1. The News

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! So I’m super nervous and excited to be posting my first ever Mystic Messenger fanfic! Constructive criticism is appreciated, but mean comments are not at all so please be gentle! This is my first fanfic in like 10 years… If you guys like it enough, I’ll probably continue the story!

Jumin's POV -

I stare at the clock on the wall of my office, reading that it was 16:48. Exactly twelve grueling minutes until I am free to leave for the day. My day at work has consisted of the same tedious tasks that I’ve grown accustomed to doing every other day. Paperwork, meetings, more paperwork. Although the workload was a bit heavier, since it was Assistant Kang’s day off today. Everything is perfectly ordinary except for one thing.

I have been hearing my phone vibrating in the desk drawer that it’s been locked in all day. I did not like to take out my phone during work as it was unprofessional, and I didn’t take a lunch break today so I could get more work done. I have been shaking it off all day just assuming it was notifications from the RFA group chat. 16:51 now. Nine minutes until I can check.

I don’t want to just sit here since that will make the minutes crawl by even more slowly. I decide to spend a little time straightening out my office, making sure that everything is prim and proper and that nothing is out of place even by one centimeter. 

16:55. My phone is still vibrating like mad in the drawer. I feel a strange, almost foreboding feeling. I just continued to straighten everything out. What the hell could be going on? Other than Assistant Kang, shouldn’t everyone either be in work or school right now? 

16:58. I begin to feel a little bit nauseous. Why is it that I’m afraid to pick up the phone? 

It’s probably just Yoosung talking about his dumb game, or Luciel telling some unfunny jokes. More likely, Zen is posting selfies and Assistant Kang is gushing over them telling him how handsome and talented he is. I roll my eyes and give a half-hearted chuckle to myself at the thought.

Zen and I butt heads constantly as our personalities, lives, and upbringings are so different from each other. I don’t know if he feels the same, but deep down, Zen has always been a good friend to me. The RFA wouldn’t be the same without him, no matter how much we may argue.

 _Calm down, you’re worrying for nothing_ , I think to myself. I repeat this mantra until the clock finally reads 17:00.

I immediately grab the key, unlock the drawer, and pull out my phone. 43 missed calls and 27 text messages. My heart feels like it’s going to beat out of my chest. What the hell is this…? I decide to call Assistant Kang to inform me of what’s happening, since many of the missed calls are from her. I only hear one ring before she answers.

“Mr. Han!” she exclaims, and it is easy to detect the worry in her voice.

“What’s happened?” I ask her plainly.

I hear her shuddering breaths before she speaks, as if she’s trying not to break down. This makes my heart drop even further. Something terrible has happened.

“It’s Zen…,” she chokes out. “He’s been in a terrible accident. He was on his motorcycle and was run off of the road. He’s alive, but in critical condition.” Her voice breaks, and lets out a sob. “They aren’t sure if he’ll pull through, Mr. Han.”

The shock of this information makes my entire body go numb. I can’t feel anything other than blood rushing to my head and the nausea. The only thing I can mutter out is, “Zen?”

I could hear Assistant Kang sniffling on the other line. “Luciel, Yoosung, and V are at the hospital right now. Since Zen has no close family, we were discussing all of us going there and supporting him.”

After a while, I look down and realize I’ve clenched my hand so hard that my knuckles have turned white. I unclench my hand and it begins to shake. My breathing begins to quicken and my thoughts are all over the place. I can’t allow Assistant Kang to know of my emotions.

I steady my breathing and gather my thoughts, finally telling Assistant Kang, “Alright. I’ll call Driver Kim. Are you home? I’ll come pick you up.”

“Yes, I’m home…,” she replies quietly. “Mr. Han, are you feeling okay?” I must not be doing a good enough job at hiding how I feel. Assistant Kang has been around me enough to know when something has disturbed me, so I should be trying a little harder.

“I’m fine. I’ll be there soon. Please be ready,” I say stoically and hang up immediately after. I call Driver Kim and tell him I need to be driven to the hospital to see my ailing friend.

I should be going to the building’s lobby to wait for Driver Kim, but can’t bring myself to move my legs. I end up collapsing on the floor and resting my head on my knees.

“Why do you have to be such an idiot, Zen?” I’m thinking to myself, feeling my blood boil. “Those motorcycles are dangerous and you know it. Why do you ride them? Why did you do it?” I punch the wall next to me. This can’t be happening. Not one of our own. Not Zen.

I hear a knock on my office door and immediately pick myself up. “Come in,” I say. In walks an unfamiliar young man, probably a temp or intern.

“Sir, I’m sorry to disturb you but I heard a bang and I was wondering if you were alright?” the man asked with wide eyes, clearly concerned.

Shit. He must have heard it when I punched the wall in my anger. “I’m fine, I just dropped something,” I lie. He simply nodded and closed the door behind him. I suppose I should be thankful to him, since this prompts me to get up and walk to the lobby. On my way down, I try my best to avoid any contact with the other employees. I can barely bring myself to walk right now let alone hold a conversation with somebody. Just as I walk in the lobby, I see Driver Kim’s car pull up to the front of the building with impeccable timing.

We greet each other as we normally do, and I ask him to drive to Assistant Kang’s house. Driver Kim knows that it’s best to not ask any questions when I’m bothered, which I’m incredibly grateful for.

We pull up to Assistant Kang’s apartment complex, and I text her letting her know we’re outside. When she emerges from the doors she is clearly a bit disheveled, hair slightly messy and clothes much more casual than I’m used to. Upon a closer look, her eyes are red and her cheeks are stained with tears. I’ve never seen her like this and never imagined that I ever would. I give her a knowing stare and she shivers.

“I apologize for my appearance, Mr. Han,” she mutters to me, avoiding my gaze.

“No need, I understand given the current situation,” I tell her, and rub my eyes with my thumb and index finger. The rest of the drive is silent until we arrive at the hospital.

This was my first time ever at a hospital in all my years of living. I’ve never been sick or injured and neither has anyone close to me. We are all well taken care of. I am only hoping that Assistant Kang fails to pick up on how anxious I’m feeling upon entering the emergency department.

Assistant Kang talks to the receptionist and asks for the room Hyun Ryu is staying in and we begin walking to the room in silence afterwards. Assistant Kang knocks on the door and it is opened by Yoosung, tears brimming his eyes.

“Hey guys…,” he tries to smile at us but fails miserably. He just looks like he’s in pain. “how’s it going?” Trying to make small talk in this situation? Although, what else can you do, I suppose…

Without even thinking about it, I immediately ask about Zen. “How is he? What are his injuries?” The tears spill from Yoosung’s eyes after I speak. Luciel walks up next to Yoosung and wraps his arm around his shoulders to comfort him.

Luciel lets out a deep sigh before explaining what’s going on. His eyes are a little red as well. “The doctor says Zen has two broken legs, four broken ribs, internal bleeding, and possibly some spinal damage.” My heart sank with each thing he listed off. “He may make it through, but the doctors don’t know if he’ll ever walk again if he does make it…” Luciel trailed off.

Next to me, Assistant Kang burst into tears. Luciel wraps his other arm around her and she buries her face in his neck. I stand there fiddling with my cuff links, trying to do anything to comfort myself. Then it dawned on me.

“Where is V?” I ask after realizing my old friend was supposedly here but not part of this group.

“He’s sitting next to Zen’s bed, around the corner,” Luciel tells me.

I take a deep breath, trying to mentally prepare myself for what I’m about to see. I decide to just go for it, and turn the corner to wear Zen is laying. The sight makes my stomach turn and bile begins to rise up in my throat. 

There lies Zen, hooked up to all kinds of machines, face bloody and swollen, both legs in slings, and with little lacerations and bruises all over his body. V is sleeping in a chair next to him, with his hand resting on top of one of Zen’s wrapped ones. I can’t help but let out a gasp at what I’m looking at. 

Please let this be a dream. Please let me wake up and he’s in the chatroom posting selfies like he normally is. Please tell me this isn’t real. 

“Jihyun.” I say, putting my hand on V’s shoulder and shaking it lightly.

V stirs a bit before I can see him slowly opening his eyes behind his sunglasses. “Jumin,” he whispers, “I’m very glad you’re here. How are you doing?”

I immediately wanted to scold him for still not having gotten the eye surgery, but decided that was probably not the best thing to do at the moment. “I could be better. It’s been a while. How are things?” I asked him, trying to follow Yoosung’s example to lighten the mood as much as I could.

“Same as they always are,” he sighed, turning back to Zen. V seemed so dejected, so frail and broken. He already went through losing Rika and it had taken such a toll on him. He wasn’t the same cheery and full of life Jihyun Kim that I used to know. Can he really handle possibly losing Zen?

Could I really handle possibly losing Zen?

I felt something funny in my throat, like a lump. I tried hard to swallow it down, but it just kept coming back up at the thought of Zen not pulling through this. The RFA was practically family to me, and family is an important part of me.

Losing Zen would be like losing a part of me.

“Jumin…” V breathed, standing up and placing his hand on my cheek. “You’re crying?”

I flinched away from him quickly, not even realizing the tears that were flowing down my face. I grab one of the tissues that was sitting on the table next to the bed. I wiped off my face, silently praying that no one would turn the corner and see me like this. According to Zen, I was a “stone cold robot” anyway. God, what I wouldn’t give for us to go back to our regular bickering. Why the hell couldn’t I pull myself together? Get your shit together.

V looks at me, his eyes full of concern and surprise. Even though we knew each other for over twenty years, he had never seen me cry. Not even when Rika died.

I feel like I have so much to say, but can’t figure out what it was. Looking at my old friend’s worried face, knowing everything that he had been through, makes me want to break down and open up. But I just can’t do it. So I keep it all inside me as I always do. It’s better this way, right?

“Jumin,” he repeats, sounding oddly stern, “tell me.”

More tears flow. How much longer could I keep this up? I shake my head at him like a child. Why the hell was I acting like this?

“Jumin,” he says a third time. But this time, he does something that catches me totally off guard. He walks right in front of me and pulls me in for a hug. “Please don’t hold it in. We’re all hurting and we all know that you are too.”

After a few seconds, I hug him back, oddly comforted by the physical contact. I rest my chin on his shoulder and just let myself cry, and in a second breaking down all of the walls that I had previously built.

“V...,” I manage to get out in between my cries, still hoping to God that the other three were having their own conversation and wouldn’t turn the corner, “I can’t handle losing anyone else. He’s like my brother…”

V breaks away from me and looks at me with a piercing gaze. “Then you should tell him that.”

I look at V quizzically. “Why would that make a difference now?” I question. “He’s unconscious. He won’t hear me.”

“He’ll hear,” V states matter-of-factly. “Maybe that’s something Zen wants to know. You’ll regret it if you never have the chance to tell him” 

I pause, not knowing what to say to that. V had gone through loss, so maybe I should trust him on this?

He grabs his cane and walks passed me to where the other three are standing. Assistant Kang is still sobbing with Luciel’s arm wrapped around her. “I can’t bring myself to see him like this,” she cries.

V walks up to the three and puts his hand on Assistant Kang’s shoulder. “Jaehee,” he says softly, “we all understand. It isn’t an easy sight to see. I was going to go get some food. Maybe you’ll feel better after a little walk and a bite to eat. Plus, I need someone to help me get there,” he chuckled lightly. 

“Of course, V, I’ll gladly help,” Assistant Kang says, cracking a small smile.

V turns to Luciel and Yoosung. “Would you two like to come as well?”

I see what you’re trying to do, V.

“Yeah,” Yoosung says, “I’m starving. But what about Jumin?” Everyone looks to me.

“I’d… like to stay here with Zen. I don’t want to leave him alone.” I say, starting to no longer care about hiding my emotions at this point.

Everyone stared at me as if I had two heads. “Well then!” Luciel says, smiling. “Alright, we’ll be back! Let us know if you need anything.” Then they walk out, leaving me alone with Zen.

I turn my head to face Zen’s broken body, my stomach turning again as I stare. I hate seeing my friends in pain. I hate seeing Zen this way. “Please wake up from this nightmare,” I think to myself.

I sit down in the chair, and work up the courage to place my hand on top of Zen’s just as V had. His hand twitches a little at the contact, which startles me.

“Still attempting to get under my skin even in a coma, hm?” I say to him with a small smile. “How typical of you.” I sigh. What was I supposed to say to him? How could I tell him everything that I felt? He wasn’t even awake.

“Zen, what you did was really stupid. And I think that you know that so I’m not going to waste too much time lecturing you,” I chuckle a little bit. “But you know I would only do that out of love, right?” I swallow the lump in my throat again.

“Zen…,” I begin, tears brimming my eyes, “no matter how much we bicker, no matter how much we fight, no matter how rude I may seem… You are still one of my closest friends. Without you, the RFA would never be the same. You’re a good person who goes out of his way to help the ones that he loves, which is exactly what an RFA member should be. We can’t continue to exist without you…” My voice cracks and the tears start flowing yet again.

“I’ll help you through your recovery any way I can. I will help with medical bills, I’ll send you maids and a body guard so you can focus on getting well, I’ll do anything! Just please wake up!” I practically beg him.

After that, I’m kind of expecting him to magically wake up like you see in those cheesy movies, but no such luck.

“Zen…,” I cry. “Please don’t make me lose you too…”


	2. Silly Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jumin spends more time with Zen, and starts to think about how he's felt about Zen all this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I really appreciate everyone who's read and left kudos so far! Almost 100 hits! I didn't expect this! I'm so grateful to all of you. <3
> 
> YES I CHANGED THE TITLE. I figured "Not You Too" wouldn't remain relevant for the whole story!
> 
> If you guys have any suggestions for the fic, that would be awesome. I haven't written in a long time and I feel like something is missing.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Sorry that it's a bit shorter than the last, but shit is really gonna start happening in the next one!

Jumin’s POV -

I’m sitting here at Zen’s bedside, trying to compose myself before V and the others return from the cafeteria. I try to wipe away all of my tears, but it’s no use as they keep falling one by one.

“I’m hoping that you can hear what I’m saying to you, Zen. It’s imperative that you know how important you are to me and to the rest of the RFA. I hope you hear all of this and remember what I’ve said to you after you wake up.” I wipe more falling tears. “Please take better care of yourself.”

“Please, no more of the motorcycle. I will personally make sure that you never ride one again, I swear on everything that I own. I will send bodyguards if I have to…,” I smile at my own attempt to lighten the mood a little bit. I feel a little ridiculous right about now, but something about this is helping me to get my emotions back in check.

As I continue to talk to Zen, it starts to become almost comforting. Perhaps V was right. Maybe he can hear every word I’m saying to him. If he can, I’m sure he’s quite surprised. He’s seeing a whole new side of me, and he must think it’s pretty pathetic.

“If only you could see me right now,” I say to him quietly, “you’d be rolling on the floor laughing right about now.” I smile at the thought of seeing Zen being his regular self again.

My hand is still resting on his, and his fingers are twitching occasionally. Strange. His breathing is loud and labored, it’s agonizing to listen to. Honestly, I’m secretly worrying that his breaths will just suddenly stop at any minute.

I hear footsteps and chatter coming closer to the door of his room, and I decide that it’s probably time to wrap this up. However, I decide to say one last thing to him before it’s over.

“Be strong for the RFA, Zen. And for me.” My voice shakes a bit as I try to not get overly emotional again, “We all love you.” I stroke his hand with my thumb one last time before removing it just as I hear the door open.

I peek out from the corner. V walks in first, with Assistant Kang on his arm helping him to walk with more ease. They are followed by Luciel and Yoosung. I get up from my chair and turn the corner to meet them. 

“Mr. Han,” Assistant Kang nods her head at me to greet me, “how has he been since we left?”

“Very much the same. His breathing sounds so labored though. Has he been like this since he got here?” I question, slightly proud of myself for having regained my usual demeanor and tone.

V stares at the floor sadly. “Yes, unfortunately,” he sighs. “Sounds scary, doesn’t it? But Zen is a strong man. I have faith that he will pull through for all of us.” His familiar reassuring smile suddenly returns to his face, and I feel a warmth rush over me. V really knows how to comfort people, doesn’t he?

“I think I’m ready to see him now…,” Assistant Kang says, seeming very nervous. “V, will you stay with me?”

“Of course, Jaehee. I know that it may be difficult to see him like this, but we are all here for you,” V replies.

“That’s right,” I suddenly blurt out, thinking that I should try and provide some semblance of comfort for my flustered assistant. She seems surprised at this, but V smiles and nods his head in approval.

V wraps his arm around Assistant Kang’s shoulders and walks with her around the corner to Zen’s bed. I decide to give them private time, so I walk back over to where Luciel and Yoosung are standing. They both look exhausted.

“I’m so tired, and it’s already 20:00 PM,” Yoosung whines, letting out a large yawn. “I’m supposed to have a morning class tomorrow, but should I really even go considering the situation?”

After he said that, I start to remember all of the times that Zen would nag Yoosung for playing too many video games and not attending class half of the time. The silly memories bring back a warm feeling, and I feel the need to remind Yoosung of how Zen would feel about that.

“Zen would want you to go,” I tell Yoosung sternly, and his eyes widen at me. “I’m sorry. You know I only mean well. Truly, Zen would want you to go. I’m sure someone will let you know immediately if there are any updates. I hope we can all continue on with our lives during the day.”

Luciel finally chimes in after being unusually quiet. “Yeah, honestly I was planning on bringing in some of my equipment so I can get some work done without having to leave Zen alone!” He smiles, trying to ease Yoosung’s mind.

“Okay,” Yoosung smiles, “if you both really think that that’s what Zen would want. I should get heading home then.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna head back to my place and get my equipment together. I’ll spend the night here with him,” Luciel tells us.

“Alright, please take care of him Luciel. If anything happens please call me right away,” I ask of him.

He seems a bit taken aback by my request but nods his head and promises me that he will. Yoosung and Luciel say their goodbyes to V, Assistant Kang, and I and they both leave the room.

V and Assistant Kang notice that I turn the corner, Assistant Kang clearly trying to hide the fact that she has been crying. I do not know how to comfort her right now, since my words would probably be meaningless, so I just ignore it.

“Assistant Kang, it’s getting late, we should head back to our homes.” I turn to V. “Do you plan on leaving soon? Would you like Driver Kim to give you a ride home, Jihyun?”

“No thank you, Jumin, I plan on leaving when Luciel returns. I don’t want to leave Zen alone,” V says as he turns to glance at Zen. “You two should go home and get some rest. We can meet back here tomorrow if you both have time.”

“Thank you for everything, V.” Assistant Kang sniffles, clearly having a hard time trying to speak right now. I can only imagine how she must be feeling after seeing Zen in this condition.

We both hug V and we leave the hospital, Assistant Kang trailing a step behind me as she always does. I can hear her sniffling behind me as we walk to Driver Kim’s car. We spend the entire time in silence.

The entire time, I can’t get Zen off of my mind. My heart sinks every time I think of something happening to him, and I can’t even tell anybody about my feelings and fears. I just can’t.

_What will they think of me if I do?_

I already let myself slip in front of V. V is my oldest and most loyal and trustworthy friend, but I still refuse to talk to him about this. V has so many problems of his own, and he doesn’t need to be burdened with my own silly emotions. The only person I want to talk to right now is Zen. Zen would give me the talking-to that I need to get me back into shape. If only he could do that right now. God, if only.

I suppose I became so deep in thought that I didn’t even realize we had stopped at Assistant Kang’s house and that she has been calling my name over and over again.

“Mr. Han, we’re here,” she says a little loudly in an attempt to get my attention. When I finally look up, she says, “Please let me know if you hear anything about Zen. I will see you in the morning.”

I nod at her. “I will. Have a good night Assistant Kang. Please try and rest well for tomorrow.” She nods back at me and closes the car door behind her. Driver Kim then starts to make the trip back to my penthouse. I didn’t realize until just now how much I have been yearning for my bed.

When Driver Kim drops me off at the penthouse, I remove my shoes, jacket, and tie and I immediately collapse on the bed. I’m so grateful for the soft blanket and sheets that had been neatly made by the maid earlier today. Elizabeth the 3rd jumps on the bed with me, and I cradle her against me as I always do every night. On a typical day, I would consider this my paradise.

But today, something weighs heavy on my shoulders. I would never have imagined that my world could change so suddenly in just a few hours. How so many buried emotions could come up to the surface with such force.

How I could feel emotions that I’ve never felt before.

Thinking about it now, maybe the love I feel for Zen isn't the love for a friend at all. _Maybe it’s been something else all along._

Realizing how lost I am in my thoughts, I decide that it is time to get up and start my bedtime routine. I push the thoughts away and get up from my bed.

I change into my more comfortable clothes, a plain white t-shirt and striped grey pajama bottoms. I then brush my teeth, get a glass of water, and return to my bed with a book that I am in the middle of reading. I figure that reading will get my racing mind off of things for a while.

After getting about fifteen pages in, I start to get sleepy. I make sure to put my phone on the charger, set my alarm, and leave my volume on just in case anyone calls in the middle of the night.

I go to sleep, hoping for a miracle.

~

3:27 AM -

I jolt awake to the piercing sound of my ringing phone. I immediately reach to grab it, not even checking the time or the caller ID.

“Jumin Han speaking,” I say in my usual greeting.

“Jumin!” When I realized that it was Luciel on the other line, my heart skips a beat. Is it news? Good or bad? Oh God.

“What’s happening?” I ask him immediately.

“Zen is awake…,” Luciel tells me, “and he’s asking for you.”


	3. Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zen is awake, and has something he wants to say to Jumin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! Over 200 hits? Thank you so much to everyone who has read, commented, and left kudos so far! I didn't even think 10 people would read this story and it means so much to me! I love you all so much! <3
> 
> Anyway, sorry this update was a little slow. I started a new job so this week has been a little crazy. Next update will come faster, I promise! Hope you guys like chapter 3!

Jumin’s POV -

It feels like so many emotions are washing over me at once, crashing into me with as much force as the ocean. Relief and overwhelming joy that Zen was awake, anxious to get there quickly to see him, and worry. Worry that Zen heard everything I said to him and is disgusted and repulsed by me. Or that all he will do is tease me for being so uncharacteristically emotional. I truly am fearful of that, especially considering how confused I am about my feelings towards him.

But I realize that now isn’t the time to worry about that, and I scramble to make myself presentable enough to face him. I refuse to seem weak in front of him. I promised myself that I would be strong for him, no matter what.

Driver Kim isn’t available this late at night, so I end up having to call for an Uber. The wait will be approximately ten minutes, which seems like an eternity. As I wait for the driver’s text, my thoughts once again turn to the silver-haired beauty. 

_God, is he good-looking_. Even seeing him in his broken state in the hospital bed, you could still see traces of his stunning looks beneath the cuts and bruises. Zen and I did bicker often, but it was always a pleasure to look at him. I don’t think I have ever seen anything or anyone else so aesthetically pleasing. 

I think back to our light-hearted bickering, once again yearning so much for those days. Zen would mostly come into the RFA chatroom to post selfies and whine about his lack of a girlfriend. It is just occurring to me now why I always felt a strange pang in my chest whenever he said the word “girlfriend.”

“Zen…,” I whisper quietly to myself, “maybe the person you’ve been looking for has been right in front of you all this time.” I picture us together, and for a brief moment, I forget all of my cares in this world and just bask in my happiness at the thought.

I jump a tiny bit as the sudden ding of my phone snaps me back to reality. My Uber driver is outside. I grab my keys and exit the penthouse. I hop in the car and exchange formalities with the driver, letting him know where I need to go. After this, we’re on the road, my heart feeling like it’s going to beat out of my chest.

_I’m on my way, Zen…_

~

We arrive at the hospital and I hastily thank the driver and get out of the car, practically running inside. I do not even greet the woman sitting at the front desk as I have remembered where Zen’s room is located. When I finally get to his room, something stops me from going in.

I stand outside the door, hearing a muffled conversation going on inside. My heart is racing and my breaths are short and rapid. Am I really this nervous about seeing him? I’ve never been this nervous about anything in my life, and when I was nervous, I’ve always been able to maintain my composure.

“Get your shit together…,” I chastise myself. “Be strong for him.”

My hands are shaking as I knock on the door, and I feel like time is crawling as I wait the few seconds for someone to answer.

The door opens, revealing V on the other side.

“Jihyun, you’re still here,” I point out.

My old friend greets me with his warm and familiar smile. He looks much more calm than he did earlier in the day, his body less rigid and the color having returned to his face. “Jumin. Yes, I decided to stick around for a while. I did not want to leave Luciel alone, and then Zen came to.”

My heart flutters at the mere mention of his name. “How is Zen?” I inquire.

“He’s been in a lot of pain, so the nurses gave him some pretty strong pain medication. He’s awake, but a little loopy,” V informs me, chuckling a little.

I involuntarily let out a sigh after hearing that Zen isn’t even in his right mind right now. Why would he have been thinking of me in his sedated state of mind anyway?

Part of me was hoping that Zen heard nothing that I said to him while he was unconscious, and that he was asking for me simply because he wanted to ask for help with his medical bills, which I’m sure are quite steep.

However, another part of me is wishing he heard everything. That everything is out on the table now, and we can maybe have a discussion, though I am fearful of how he may feel towards me. Well… We will have to wait and see.

“Is that Mistah Trust Fund Kid?” I hear Zen ask from his bed around the corner, his speech slightly slurred as though he were drunk. I suppose it’s good that he seems to still be his old self even after his accident.

V lets out a hearty chuckle at Zen’s mention is his nickname for me, and I can hear Luciel laughing around the corner as well. “Yes, he’s right over here, Zen,” V laughs.

“C’MERE!!!” Zen almost screams at me. Oh dear Lord, please don’t say anything embarrassing, Zen.

I apprehensively walk around the corner to the bed to see Zen, bruises faded and cuts starting to heal. His casts and bandages on, and looking euphoric. He is grinning at me like an idiot, and it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Even though he was a mess, he was certainly a beautiful one. There goes my heart fluttering again.

“Zen…,” I smile at him and let out a little chuckle. “How are you feeling? I heard that you wanted to see me,” I remind him, not really expecting much given his current state of mind.

His eyes widen and he starts to laugh as though I just told him the funniest thing he’s ever heard. “Hahahahahaaaaaa. Oh yeah, I did! I just wanted to see you, man!” He looks me up and down as though he’s looking for something. “Aw man, you look so nice. You got all gussied up for little old me?” There he goes again with the dumb, adorable smile.

My heart starts pounding and I flush under Zen’s gaze, hoping neither V or Luciel would notice my embarrassment. I look to Luciel, who is sitting in the corner and cackling.

“Dude,” Luciel laughs heartily, “Zen, are you gay for Jumin or something?”

Zen looks to Luciel and his eyes widen, “Whaaaaaaa? No way! Can’t I just tell Mistah Trust Fund Kid that he’s good-looking?” My heart sinks a little when he says no, but what was I expecting, really? I was happy to hear the compliment from him nonetheless.

V walks over, clearly trying not to burst out laughing as well. “Zen, you need your rest, why don’t you try and sleep?”

Zen nods his head and beams at me. “Only if pretty Jumin stays with me!”

This was it, my heart was definitely going to explode out of my chest now. Jesus Christ, could you not be so cute? This really isn’t helping my situation.

“PRETTY JUMIN!” Luciel practically screams, laughing so hard that he falls out of his chair and on to the floor. I can hear V stifling a laugh as well.

“Alright, alright,” V chuckles, “Jumin will stay with you, right Jumin?” He looks at me.

“Er- I- um- of course,” I’m so flustered that I could barely even mutter out a simply reply. God, I need to calm down right now.

“Yayyyy!” Zen cheers, and I walk over and pull up a chair next to his bedside.

V, still chuckling, turns to Luciel and asks, “Luciel, do you want to go get some food? We’ve been here all night and we’ve barely eaten anything.”

“Thought you’d never ask!” Luciel practically jumps out of his chair and makes his way towards the door, V grabbing his cane and following behind as Luciel guides him out of the room.

“Take care of him, Jumin,” V says with a sly smile before shutting the door behind him.

I let out a large sigh and look down at my hands, folded on my lap. I don’t even know what to say to him right now, so I sit and wait for him to say something first.

Then, I see his hand make his way toward mine. I take his hand in mine, welcoming his warm touch. I’m fully aware that I may be taking advantage of his delusional state, but I don’t care. This may be the only opportunity I have to experience physical contact with him, and I am going to relish every second of the time I can spend alone with the beautiful man.

“Mmm,” Zen sighs happily with a smile plastered on his face, “you feel so nice…”

I chuckle at him and rub his hand with my thumb. “Haha, you do too. I’m so relieved that you’re awake.”

Zen suddenly looks into my eyes, not saying anything. It seems as though he wants to tell me something, but can’t quite come up with the words in his stupor. 

“Jumin… I think I had a dream about you while I was sleeping,” he states.

I feel myself flush, all the blood rushing to my face in embarrassment. “About me?”

“Yeah,” he’s smiling again. “You were telling me that I was strong, and that everyone in the RFA loves me, including you. And I think you were holding my hand like you are now,” he looks down to our intertwined fingers. “I don’t know if it was true or not, but I liked it… I always thought you were a stone cold robot!” He starts to laugh. There’s the Zen I know so well.

I don’t know what to do in this situation. Do I deny it? Or do I confess to him that it was all true and it wasn’t just a dream?

I decide to go with my gut instinct.

“Well, that’s all true. We all love you Zen, and I was so worried for you,” I tell him, feeling my face flushing more and beginning to turn hotter. “I wanted you to know that despite all of our petty bickering, I’ve always cared for you and I always will. You mean so much to me, having known you all of this time. When I found out about your accident, I could barely breathe. All I wanted to do was see the Zen that I’ve grown so fond of. I’m so glad he seems to be here now, right in front of me.”

I exhale a sigh of relief after getting all of that off of my chest. Such an odd feeling, to be able to express how you feel so freely. I have never had that luxury. But would he even remember, given that he’s on pretty strong painkillers?

Zen’s eyes widen after hearing my monologue, as though what I said has sobered him up a little bit. “Jumin…,” my heart skips a beat every time he calls me by my real name, “thank you… I care about so much too. I’ve always wanted to tell you, but I never knew how I could say it. In spite of everything I’ve said, you’re a kind person who has always been there for me and is always willing to help. I’ll never forget everything that you’ve done for me, including being here by my side right now.”

My heart swells with love for this boy, and I yearn to be closer to him. Holding hands is not enough for me anymore.

I stand up, still holding his hand as he’s looking at me with a confused expression. The bed is fairly large, and there seems to be enough room for two.

I carefully lay down next to him, being mindful of his casts and other injuries. He shifts himself a little to give me more room. I wrap my free arm around him and he lifts his head up and lays it on my shoulder. My other hand is still intertwined in his. It is perfect.

I don’t care if V and Luciel walk in. I don’t care about anything else right now. All I care about is me and Zen, and right now I’m much too happy to care about anything other than us.

The only sound in the room is the sound of the heart monitor beeping as Zen and I drift off to sleep.


	4. Lay Me Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jumin and Zen are laying in bed. Fluff ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I suck so much! I'm sorry this update took way longer than anticipated! I started a new job this week, so life's been pretty crazy and I haven't had any time to write! But I'm so glad to have it out now!
> 
> But guys, 400 HITS? This is insane! I'm so grateful to every single reader, and everyone who's left kudos and comments. You're all amazing and you make me so happy every day! <3
> 
> I hope you have a good rest of your week, and for real, I'll have the next chapter out soon!

Jumin’s POV –

What a simply beautiful dream. I’ve never quite had such a feeling of pure euphoria. Like the sun is shining within my soul, and I can feel the warmth radiating throughout my entire body.

My eyes are still closed, but I’m slowly beginning to adapt to the world around me once again. I almost don’t want to open my eyes because once I do, the dream will be gone for good. At least I’ll have the memory of it.

_Wait_.

With my eyes still shut, I slowly begin to hear the sounds around me and feel what is underneath and on top of me.

The sound of the heart monitor beeping, the scratchy sheets and blanket enveloping me… And Zen wrapped up in my arms.

_That wasn’t a dream_.

My eyes snap open and I immediately look down to see Zen with his head still on my chest, sleeping peacefully. He looks like an angel, and I immediately melt inside. I feel the heat from the rest of my body move its’ way up into my face. I never want this moment to end.

Despite everything he’s been through, Zen’s beautiful white hair is as silky as ever, and I begin to idly play with some strands before I realize that the world around us still exists.

_Shit_.

I glance at the corner of the room, and I see Luciel and V sitting in chairs staring at us, with smug smiles on their faces.

“I knew it,” Luciel whispers, making V chuckle quietly in return.

“Leave them be,” V says, apparently understanding the situation “they both need their rest right now.”

He’s right. I’m completely exhausted after having barely slept in the last 24 hours. I’m wishing that I could comfortably go back to sleep, but that most likely won’t happen with V and Luciel in the room. Damn.

I don’t even know what to say to them in this situation. I’m not going to attempt to lie or cover it up in any way, because this is exactly what it looks like. I’m tired of running away from my feelings and pushing them down as if they’ll magically disappear. They never would. And they never will again.

_But does Zen feel the same?_

My heart drops a little bit after having this thought. Will Zen wake up and try to cover up what happened? Will he lie about it? Will he pretend that it was the drugs that were causing his behavior? No. He can’t. I know that it wouldn’t be true, and so does he. This I’m perfectly sure of.

I choose not to say anything, so as not to disturb this beautiful, broken angel from his sleep. All I do is shoot V and Luciel a knowing glance, then turn my attention back to stroking Zen’s hair.

I look out the window, and notice that it is still dark out. We must not have been asleep for very long. It’s probably around 5:00 or 6:00 A.M. by this point.

As if Luciel knows exactly what I am thinking, he stands up and whispers, “My back is killing me from sitting in these chairs for so long. I should be heading out. I think Zen’s okay for now,” Luciel smirks at me and I roll my eyes in return. He turns to V, “V, want a ride home?”

“Sure,” V whispers back, “Jumin will take care of him.” He says this in a completely genuine, non-teasing way. He once again shoots me his smile that I know so well. But of course, Luciel has to ruin it.

“Hell yeah he will!” Luciel bursts out laughing, which makes Zen stir a little. V and I both shush him.

I feel relief knowing that Luciel and V are heading out, considering that when Zen wakes up he won’t have to deal with the questions that they will inevitably ask, and neither will I. We all exchange our quiet goodbyes before the other two walk out of the room, leaving me alone with a sleeping Zen in my arms.

My pure exhaustion suddenly hit me like a truck, and my eyes slowly shut again. As far as I’m concerned, I’m in paradise. Even as we lay in this uncomfortable and too-small hospital bed, I’m with Zen, and that’s all that I need right now.

~

I awaken to someone shaking me gently, and slowly open my eyes to find the room lit up with the sunshine, and a pair of beautiful red eyes boring into mine.

Zen is staring up at me and blushing, and God is it adorable. Once again, I’m melting.

“Ha…,” Zen breathes, “it was real.”

I chuckle a little, thinking of my similar situation a few short hours ago. “I felt the same.”

“I…,” Zen goes to say something, but instead buries his face in the crook of my neck. I wrap my arms more tightly around him and begin stroking his silky hair once again.

I decide not to ask him any questions about what had happened earlier, so as to not stress him out right now. I just let him take comfort in me for a while, and instead decide to ask, “How are you feeling?”

He looks up at me and laughs a little. “Ha… Confused. Nauseous. A little sore…” I begin to get up and look for the button to buzz for a nurse when he grabs me by the arm to stop me. “What are we doing, Jumin?”

It occurs to me that I don’t really know the answer to that question. I know that he is not actually asking me what we are physically doing.

“You asked me to be here with you,” I remind him matter-of-factly, reaching for the green button on the wall to call a nurse in.

“I know,” he replies, looking away. I can see that his face is flushing a little. “But why did I ask for that? And why… Why do I want you to come back on the bed with me right now?”

I may turn into jelly right here and now. I can’t even describe this feeling. It’s all new to me, but I do know that I’ve never been so happy.

I can’t help the smile on my face. “Zen, I will, but let me get you a nurse so she may administer some medication.”

“No. All I need is you here. I don’t want to see anybody else right now,” Zen looks at me, and I’m alarmed to see the tears that are brimming his eyes. I cannot resist his wishes when he looks at me like that. I immediately climb back on the bed and we return to the same position that we had held beforehand.

“Do not cry,” I whisper tenderly, “I’m right here.”

He gives me a weak smile and once again buries his face in my neck. “Thank you.”

We simply sit there quietly for a few minutes, and I’m rubbing his back when he suddenly asks, “Jumin, what are we going to do?”

I knew what he meant by that question, and it was so many things. What were we going to tell our friends and the other RFA members? How would we tell our families? And since we are both public figures, how would we tell the world?

In the moment, I don’t know what to say and I do not wish to think on it right now. The only thing that I want to focus on is us, here and now.

“Whatever makes us both happy,” I reassure him. “And we will do it together.”


	5. Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jumin can't control his anxieties, and V shows up to have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS I SUCK SO MUCH. I am so sorry for the inexcusably long wait! I just started a new job so I'm getting used to the schedule, and I just turned 21 so that was pretty eventful. :P I've just been exhausted, but thank you guys so much for being so patient with me. I appreciate you all so much! And as always, thank you for the views, kudos, and comments!
> 
> This chapter is on the shorter side and kind of like a build-up, but I hope you still enjoy it! See you guys soon! Have a great week! <3
> 
> P.S. If anyone has a Tumblr, you should totally message me or leave a comment so I can check out your blog! I need more people to follow since a lot of the blogs I used to follow have been kind of inactive. Mine is kaybunn.tumblr.com and I post mostly Mystic Messenger and Yuri on Ice! Alright, bye for real! <3

Jumin’s POV \- 

About an hour has passed, and I’m still cradling Zen in my arms, lightly tracing circles on his back. I can only see the top of his head as his face is buried in my neck. He’s quiet, and he breathing is steady. I’m wondering if he has fallen asleep within the time that we’ve been intertwined like this.

With all of the thoughts annoyingly pestering my brain, it has been impossible for me to even consider trying to rest a little more. Though I really should, for the sake of my own sanity.

Ever since this whole ordeal started a couple short days ago, I cannot find normalcy in my daily life anymore. I’m beginning to wonder; will I ever find normalcy again?

Maybe I don’t want to.

As the time continues to tick on, I begin to debate whether or not I should say something to break the silence. It has to be over an hour since we last spoke, yet we are wrapped in each other’s arms.

However, to be quite honest, I’m not sure what to say in this situation. Maybe Zen is unsure as well. However, to my surprise, he is the one to break the longest silence of my entire life.

“Are you comfortable?” He looks up at me with his piercing red eyes that are half-closed, indicating to me that he hasn’t slept. He smiles at me lazily.

My heart swells up. He is caring for me despite of his condition, and I can feel my face start to burn. “Yes,” I reassure him as I continue to trace circles on his body. “I don’t think I have ever been this comfortable,” I slipped out.

Despite trying to fit two people in this twin-sized hospital bed, the scratchy sheets, and the extremely loud machines monitoring Zen’s condition, I was not lying about that at all. I’ve never felt so safe, secure, and vulnerable all at the same time. Even with the foreboding knowledge of all the things to come in the future, good and bad, I cannot ignore my happiness in this moment. The only thing I wish for is that Zen happens to feel the same.

I hear a quiet groan of pain from Zen, and I realize that I never had the opportunity to buzz for that nurse for him, and begin to get up to do that. He weakly attempts to pull me back, but I decide to not give into the temptation this time and get him the care that he needs. Unfortunately, my feelings alone are not going to fix him.

Though if they could, they may do the job a few times over.

“Please, let me call a nurse to administer your medication. I know that you’re in pain, and that hurts me as well,” I plead with him, pressing the button before he can argue.  
He flashes another lazy smile at me. “I can’t resist you anymore.” I believe that he is alluding to several things here. My face grows even hotter, and I fight to compose myself before the nurse can walk in here.

My stomach begins to grumble audibly and I realize that I haven’t eaten a proper meal today. Zen hears this and his face etches with concern. “Why don’t you get something to eat? The food here is… edible,” he chuckles.

“That doesn’t sound very promising,” I shake my head and reject the offer. “Besides, I do not want to leave your side.” I’m telling the complete truth here. Given everything that has happened within the last couple of days, I just need him in front of my eyes. I need to confirm that he is safe.

He blushes, making my heart flutter again in return. He opens his mouth to say something, but we here a knock on the door followed by the nurse entering the room. I explain that Zen is in pain and needs medication, and she gets the syringe to insert into his IV drip.

“This will make you sleep for a while,” the nurse warned us, beginning to insert the syringe. 

Zen reaches for my hand, and I take it in mine and grip it tightly.

“I’ll be here when you wake up,” I promise him, bushing a stray piece of hair out of his face.

He flashes me his beautiful smile. “See you later, Trust Fund Kid” he teases, before his eyes slowly start to close and his hand goes limp in mine.

The nurse smiles sweetly at me before leaving the room. How funny, that a total stranger is one of the first people to know about the relationship between Zen and I. This is especially amusing considering that Zen and I are generally private people.

I wish that I could get back into the bed, but Zen needs his space and needs his rest. Instead, I opt to pull up a chair directly next to him, resting my hand on his once again. 

With nothing but the noise of the machines and an unconscious Zen to keep me company, my thoughts begin to tread into dangerous territory. That unwelcome pit in my stomach returns.

Zen and I are both very important people in society, with reputations to maintain. Unfortunately, our country of South Korea is not exactly a utopia for gay rights. Discrimination runs rampant due to people’s ignorant and misguided opinions. What will happen to my position if we reveal our relationship to the world? What will happen to him as an actor? What will our friends and families think? There is so much to consider, and the anxiety is eating away at me. So many emotions in so little time. If Zen weren’t here with me, I would probably break down.

Suddenly, the door to the room opens again, making me jump reflexively. I expect it to be the nurse, but turn around to see V standing alone.

“Jihyun, is anyone with you right now?” I ask, maintaining my privacy weighing heavily on my mind.

“I had Luciel drop me off and escort me up here,” he explains. “I told him that I wanted to talk with you privately. I suppose it’s a good thing that Zen is asleep,” he looks over to Zen’s sleeping form.

I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose, knowing very well what’s about to come. He’s about to warn me of our relationship and the repercussions of making it public. What will happen to our reputations, and our current professional and personal relationships. The same thoughts that have already been eating away at me for what seems like such a long time.

“I hate to seem crass, my friend,” I begin to defend myself, “but I do not need your words of warning. In fact, that’s the last thing I need right now. Trust me, the same thoughts have been playing inside my head like a broken record.” I let out an exasperated sigh. 

V raises his eyebrows, and cracks a sly smile. “Actually I was going to tell you… Go for it.”

To say that his words shocked me to my core would be an understatement. “E-excuse me?” I stutter, completely taken aback.

“Jumin…,” he starts as he pulls up a chair and sits next to me. “You have been my dearest friend for nearly twenty years now. And for twenty years I’ve watched you bury your emotions underneath your work and your company, never indulging in much of a private life. That’s admirable and all, but I can tell that you have never truly been happy.”

I truly can’t argue with what he is saying.

“If this is what would make you happy, then I want you to go for it. You know that at the very least, no one in the RFA is going to isolate you. We will all support you, and I’m sure Rika would have been very happy for you. Your families, you can work on that. This also shouldn’t be something to affect your position of power. Whoever wants to judge you, they are the ones with the problem. All I want is your happiness, Jumin. And Zen is it.”

I’m stunned by his words, and I feel myself warm up inside. My oldest and dearest friend is always there for me in spite of everything that he may be struggling with. 

I couldn’t muster anything other than a quiet, “Thank you.” I sit there staring at my hand on top of Zen’s, and feel my heart swelling up with all of the emotions. Overcome, I did the first thing that my body told me to do.

I get up from my seat and hug V for the first time in a long time.

“Thank you, Jihyun. For everything.”


	6. Pleasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jumin engages in a little self-indulgence, and we see a bit from Zen's perspective.
> 
> *A little NSFW*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! As usual, I wanna say thank you for being so patient and for all the views, kudos, comments, subs, etc! It makes me so happy to see the feedback that this story is getting!
> 
> Alright, so this chapter has a little smut in it, so you've been warned. Keep in mind, this is my first time ever writing any kind of smut, so I hope it's decent! Don't be afraid to leave feedback! I'd really appreciate it!
> 
> Love you guys, and I'll see you next time! <3

Jumin’s POV –

The exchange that I just had with V made me feel as though an enormous weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. He was absolutely right, both Zen and I deserve happiness, and we have found our happiness in each other. At the end of the day, it should not matter what closed-minded and bigoted people think. I have no need to waste my time on those people anyway.

After wrapping it up with V and leaving a note for Zen who was still asleep when I left, I called for Driver Kim to take me back to the penthouse. After chasing away all of those unnecessary thoughts, my body is craving real relaxation time in my own bed and with Elizabeth the 3rd.

I thank Driver Kim and walk into the building and get in the elevator. Pressing the button to take me to the top floor, life feels almost normal. As though I were just getting out of the office, and I am back in the same humdrum routine that I have been in for years.

But this time it’s different. This time I have so much to look forward to. This time, I know that I have someone waiting for me. The thought of him waiting for my return warms me up, and almost prompts me to return to the hospital. However, he needs his rest, as do I, and I push those urges back down.

Unlocking the door to my home, I am immediately greeted by my precious cat. The beauty of her sapphires perhaps only matched by Zen’s rubies. Ah, there I go, my thoughts drifting to him yet again.

“Hello, my princess,” I whisper to her, cradling her in my arms. “I’m sorry I’ve been away for so long. I trust you were not too bored without me?” 

She purrs, clearly happy at my return. I take her into my room and place her down on my bed. She burrows and makes herself a nice little space as I retrieve fresh pajamas and make my way to the shower.

As I let the warm water run over my entire body, I begin to feel more relaxed than I have in days. I close my eyes and yet again think of Zen. I think of our future together, and us being happy. My thoughts also drift to other things as well…

I open my eyes and look down at my fully erect member.

_Well, perhaps I should take care of this._

Closing my eyes again, I begin to pump myself slowly, feeling the warmth building up around my lower body. 

I think of Zen moaning my name in pure ecstasy, and I start to softly moan his name in synchronization with my pumps.

“Zen… My lovely, beautiful Zen,” I pant as I feel myself come closer to bursting. 

I pump and pump until I can no longer contain myself. I feel so full that I could not possibly last another second. My moaning gets louder as I release, picturing Zen right there with me. 

“ZEN!”

The warm, sticky liquid runs down my legs, and I lean against the shower wall as I breathe heavily and try to regain my composure.

I do not often indulge in self-pleasure, but that may have been the most amazing feeling I have ever experienced. Imagining the real thing begins to make me excited all over again, but my fatigue is currently beating down all of my other feelings at the moment. I finish up in the shower and return to my bed where Elizabeth the 3rd is waiting for me in the same spot.

I climb into bed and yearn for Zen’s touch, wishing he was here beside me. In my own comfortable bed, without the noise of the machines, and without the fear of his condition. I once again picture a happy future, and finally drift into an easy sleep.

~

Zen’s POV –

I’m awake again, and my whole body fucking hurts. Again.

“Ow, shit,” I whine, trying to sit myself up to call for a nurse. I hit the button on the wall beside my bed and wait. I look around and realize that Jumin isn’t here anymore, making my heart sink a bit. But he’s been here for me the most since the beginning, and he needs his rest too.

I’m kind of relieved that the other guys aren’t here right now. I am so not in the mood to deal with their shit right now.

I look around the room, since there’s nothing else for me to do after my phone was destroyed in the accident. I look at the nightstand next to the bed and see a piece of paper. Looks like a note. With a weak and shaky hand, I reach to grab it. The first thing I notice is how neat the penmanship is, and I immediately know who it’s from. Smiling, I start reading.

_Zen,_

_My sincerest apologies for leaving without saying goodbye, but I must return home to rest for work tomorrow. I have already been absent from the office for far too long. I would truly love to be by your side right now, even if it is in a hospital bed._

_Though the last few days have been incredibly difficult, you have shown me true happiness over the course of them. I swear that I will do whatever I can to help you recover, and I will get you whatever you need. Though I may not physically be with you right now, please know that I am always thinking of you, and my thoughts are always with you._

_Please know how much it pains me for us to be apart. I will return later today. Please rest, and do not skip meals. I look forward to seeing you._

_Yours,  
Jumin Han_

“Haha, this dude is so cheesy,” I chuckle to myself, clutching the note to my chest. It’s almost comforting, but it isn’t the same as the real thing.

I put the note down, and the nurse walks in right on queue. I go to smile and greet her as usual, but this times, one of the surgeons is walking behind her.

My heart drops. _Shit, what’s he doing here? Is something wrong?_

“Good evening, Mr. Ryu,” he bows his head. “I am here to talk to you about your condition.”


	7. Cure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zen's had enough, and treatment options are discussed.
> 
> Also... FLUFF!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW I SUCK SO MUCH. Guys I'm so sorry for such a long wait again. Like a month and a half. I'm so sorry. Work has gotten me so worn out and I was also having wicked writer's block. But I'm back! So thank you so much for being patient! <3
> 
> Also, I'm considering starting a Jumin x MC story so I wanted to know what you guys would think about that. Let me know if that's something you wanna see!
> 
> ANNNNDDDD remember my Tumblr URL is kaybunn if you want some more Mystic Messenger trash or wanna come ask about updates. Happy reading guys, and thanks for everything! <3

Zen’s POV –

It’s been a week since the accident. A week of laying here in this fucking bed doing nothing other than tuning in and out to what’s on the TV or waiting for someone to come and visit me. A week of wanting him with me at all times.

I laugh to myself quietly as I think of how quickly the relationship I have with Trust Fund Kid has progressed. I started wanting to fight off these feelings, but now it just feels amazing to let them all in. It’s kind of incredible how quickly things changed.

A few months ago, I started to realize how much I liked it when Jumin would come into the chatroom. Even though I knew that we would probably have some kind of stupid fight, seeing ‘Jumin Han has entered the chatroom’ made my heart race. There’s something about his loyalty and ambition that I really like. He’s definitely not a bad looking dude either.

At first, I tried to deny my feelings and lie to myself. I tried to trick my own brain into thinking that I didn’t have feelings for another guy. But my subconscious knew better.

I never thought that we would work. I never thought that we would be where we are. But we fucking are. The happiness I feel from thinking about him is kind of dulling my worry. 

I laugh bitterly to myself when I start to think about how the accident is the thing that finally brought us together. What finally made us confess our feelings for each other.

It’s just so unfair that the very same event is the thing that’s stopping me from doing the thing I want to do most- getting up and running to him.

It’s been a week since the accident and I still don’t have feeling back in my legs. When the surgeon came to see me a few days ago, he told me that spinal damage can repair itself in time and you can slowly get feeling back. But sometimes, the nerves are never repaired.

That’s my worst fear right now. 

I can’t do anything for myself, and I’m frustrated. I never like to rely on anybody, but that’s all I can do lately. Most of all, I don’t want to burden Jumin.

What if I can never act again? What if I can never ride my bike again? Never get around on my own without a wheelchair?

_What if I’m too useless for him?_

The thought sends a chill throughout my entire body, and I feel tears well up in my eyes. I start crying for the first time since the crash. I’ve been strong up until this point, for the RFA and for myself, but now I have no choice but to just break.

I cry so hard that I give myself a headache, and all I want is to be able to get on my bike and ride to Jumin.

Suddenly, I hear the door open and quickly try to calm myself down and wipe away my tears.

_Jumin._

The smile he has on his face quickly fades after he sees me, my eyes rimmed red and trying frantically to wipe away my tears. He rushes to me and wraps his arms around me, and I bury my face in his neck and just cry. I cry about the accident, the pain, and the fears. I feel like I can finally let go of it all now that he’s here. Crying has never felt so good.

He shushes me and strokes my hair, not saying anything. After a while, he pulls away and makes me look at him, his fingers under my chin. His obsidian eyes are boring into me as if he has something he really needs to say. He parts his lips, opening his mouth to speak.

But he says nothing. He closes his mouth again, his eyes soften, and before I know it…

Jumin’s lips crash onto mine, smooth and supple. His hands reach to the back of my head, pulling me in closer. I intertwine my fingers in his hair, tugging slightly. Our breathing becomes louder and heavier.

Electricity is racing through me, and I can feel every atom in my body waking up.

But he suddenly pulls away, and I pout up at him without even thinking about it. He lets out a small chuckle.

“We’ll save that for when you’re well, my love,” he whispers.

 _When you’re well._ He sounded so sincere when he said that, like he really believes that I’ll be well again. His words warm me up, and I smile.

I’m about to thank him for his kind words when we hear a knock at the door.

“Come in,” Jumin calls out, granting them entrance.

In walks the doctor, clutching onto some papers. “Mr. Ryu, Mr. Han,” he greets us with a nod. He turns to face me. “How have you been feeling?”

“Crazy,” I answer honestly. “I just want to get up and move around. I don’t know if I can stand being in this bed for another second.”

The doctor nods in understanding. “Well, funnily enough, I’ve come to talk to you about your treatment options, and which one has the highest likelihood of being successful.”

I feel a huge weight lift off my shoulders, and happiness floods my whole body. Treatment! I can be cured! Jumin turns to me and smiles, and I lock my hand in his.

“What would that be?” I ask him with a huge smile on my face.

The doctor adjusts his glasses and glances down at his papers. “Well, the treatment involves surgery, and you would potentially have to have more than one operation. The procedure is risky as well as expensive. However, most patients who have had it report gaining back feeling in the damaged part of the body,” he flips the page, “As I said, it isn’t without its’ risks, and the recovery time is quite long. It also isn’t 100% guaranteed to be successful,” he looks up at me earnestly, “but it’s the best chance that you have, Mr. Ryu.”

The thought of a major operation terrifies me. I’ve always had a fear of surgery, and the fact that the doctor says it’s a risky procedure makes it a whole hell of a lot worse. But something else gets to me- the money.

“The cost,” I manage to get out, “I have no way of paying for it.”

“I will,” Jumin answers almost immediately. “I told you I would help you with anything, including medical bills,” he squeezes my hand, “anything for you to be able to live your life to the fullest again.”

I look up at him, my eyes filled with love for probably the kindest man on Earth. At this point, I have no desire to refuse, plus he would never let me anyway.

I nod at him and hug him tightly. “Thank you,” I whisper.

The doctor clears his throat, snapping Jumin and I out of our little moment. “If you’re sure that you want to do the procedure, how does two days from now sound?”

_Holy shit._

I gulp audibly, and my heartbeat quickens. This is really happening, and he wants it to happen in two days.

“Take some deep breaths,” Jumin prods. I didn’t even realize that my breaths were so quick and shallow.

After getting myself together, I confirm the date with the doctor. Like it or not, this is my best shot. For my career, for myself, and for Jumin. The doctor leaves the papers with me so that I can go over the details of the operation. We exchange our formalities and he tells me a nurse will be in at some point today to discuss what to do before the surgery.

I’m wrapped up in Jumin’s arms, and he’s whispering sweet nothings to me to try and comfort me, to dull the anxiety eating away at him. I look at him, and he looks back with soft eyes and a warm smile.

“I’m sorry for being so weak,” I apologize feebly. I never like anyone to see me like this. I only want Jumin to see the better sides of me.

His face loses its’ soft expression and he’s looking at me with sharp eyes.

“Well, I’m sorry that you feel that way,” his flat, monotone voice is back, “but the man I see in front of me has been through hell and back and has remained strong throughout. The man I see in front of me has every right to cry, but I know that he will pick himself back up again, stronger than ever.” He intertwines his fingers in mine, “As for me, I only hope to be as strong as you, so that I may only be a better man for you. No matter what the future may hold, no matter what happens, I will stay by your side through all of it.”

His words move me so much that the tears threaten to spill over again. “You really don’t have to do this, ya know. I’ll understand if you want to leave.” I turn my head to avert his gaze, but he places his fingers under my chin again and forces me to look at him.

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily, Hyun Ryu.”


End file.
